slow-dog.entry22.02.2002: "Glutton Bowl"

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Last night, TV aired the greatest sporting event that ever was or ever could be. No, not figure skating. That's right, I'm talking about Fox's Glutton Bowl. Yup, that's right, eating is a sport. I learned last night that it's even got a governing body, the International Federation of Competitive Eating. Last night, for two hours, wave after wave of eaters, champions in their respective fields (hot dogs, eggs, jalapenos) met to do battle in the "grandaddy of all eating contests." As I watched it unfold, I thought, "history is being made tonight". The announcers felt the same way, because later in the show they said the same thing.

And it was all there, the big guys, the deceivingly skinny guys, the guy who "drinks beer to expand his stomach" for training. The competitions were varied: eggs, butter, hot dogs, hamburgers, mayonnaise (last night we saw a "new world record in mayo"), beef tongue, sushi (a 15 foot long roll with 1 foot sections of pure wasabe), rocky mountain oysters, and cow brains. The strategic miscues ("wearing that fashionable goatee may be a liability in competitive eating"). The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat ("he suffered substantial esophageal stress in the first round").

But the winner of it all was a slight 130 lb. Japanese guy, whose bio stated "Once ate an entire Chinese restaurant menu." He blew away all competitors in his preliminary round (hot dogs--his specialty), then proceeded to astonish all in the finals (cow brains). While others were working hard to throw down their 10th brain, this little Ubermensch was working on his 50th! The commentators were gushing in their praise: "This is a professional athlete at the top of his game." It was remarkable. I couldn't help but agree with the most over-the-top assessment in this most over-the-top event: "Many believe he is history's greatest eater." Indeed.

10:01 AM PST

Replies: 5 comments

Haha! After reading the newspaper today, this was pointless (yet well-written) enough to cheer me a bit. :)

Posted by wandedown @ 02/22/2002 02:57 PM PST

this makes an excellent follow-up to the olympics. maybe if i train hard enough i can take this guy next year...

Posted by mister justin @ 02/26/2002 09:49 AM PST

I missed the gluttonbowl, can some one send me a copy?

Posted by angryheidi @ 02/27/2002 11:17 AM PST

wasnt that canadiaN GUY HOT. WITH THE TATTOS AND AWSOME BODY WHO IS HE HOW DO I FIND OUT ABOUT HIM

Posted by cookie @ 03/02/2002 11:58 AM PST

I also missed parts of the gutton bowl & i'd like a copy too.

-Jeff

Posted by Jeff Hirasuna @ 03/13/2002 01:13 PM PST