slow-dog.backintheusa

Friday, May 31, 2002

Moving on to the next sporting event of the night: Will I stay up to watch Ireland vs. Cameroon? Or will I crash ignobly during the first half. Report tomorrow.

10:12 PM PST
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From a friend, the irrepressible Schnitz, who is not a Sacramentan, and not known to be a particular Kings fan (although perhaps he can be described as an anti-Laker fan):

There were at least 4 bad fouls calls against the Kings tonight.

My response:

Oh definitely. And if you notice, about 50% of the time Shaq shoots free throws, his foot crosses the line and lands before the ball hits the rim, which is illegal.

Of course, these calls are to be expected. Anyone who didn't think the Lakers would get hometown calls in that game was deluding themselves. So it pisses me off, but that's the way it works. The Kings knew that going in they had to deal with it, and they couldn't. The Kings will get a few in Game 7, although perhaps not quite as many as the Lakers. That's part of the burden of trying to beat the defending champs, and if the Kings can't get over that hill, then they don't deserve to win.

But that won't stop me from bitchin' if they lose.

09:56 PM PST
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Today, I'm feeling international, so here's an article about this year's Eurovision song contest winner, Marija Naumova. Snatch your Eurovision mp3s here, or go buy the CD somewhere.

01:06 PM PST
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Wednesday, May 29, 2002

From E3:

MARY-KATE AND ASHLEY: SWEET 16 is a mini-game blow-out featuring the twins and their friends from the animated show MK&A: ACTION. I don't have a clue who those friends are, even after seeing the show many, many times once, but unless Mom and Pop Olsen get back together and pop out another set of moppets, these extra girls are needed for multiplayer gaming. The girls will frolic and fight it out in a whole host of games to see who's the hottest Olsen... or something like that.

The big news, is that it's coming out on PS2. What a waste of polygons.........

(In case you're wondering what this is doing here, it's mainly because the Olsen Twins are categorically a funny topic......and I'm trying to become the "I Feel Lucky" site for the search phrase "Olsen Twins Porn"--an idea I blatantly stole from diaweblog.)

04:41 PM PST
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Monday, May 27, 2002

Saw this headline today: "Iran Says Bush Acting Like a 'Cowboy.'" I'm wondering why we should expect that Iran would know how a cowboy would act?

03:47 PM PST
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Sunday, May 26, 2002

During the pre-game show, did anyone else hear the music that accompanied the piece about the Eastern Conference series? It was off the new album by Blackalicious, which you should own if you like the funky beats and rhymes.

09:10 PM PST
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Ouch! The Lakers were lucky to escape with a split in their two game home stand with the Kings, so why doesn't that feel like such a great thing? Well, mainly, it's because expectations are high for the Kings--from themselves and the fans. It's a sign of progress to be disappointed they didn't take a 3-1 lead in the series. And hopefully, the Kings are mature enough that not only do they expect to win every game, but they don't get rattled right out of a series when a last second three-pointer costs them a game.

08:03 PM PST
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Saturday, May 25, 2002

Earlier this week, some friends and I were discussing the Lakers, and I was having a hard trouble explaining why I dislike them so much. I like Kobe. I like Shaq. I'm OK with Phil Jackson. Hell, Mark Madsen almost won an NCAA championship at my school. The only player on the team I dislike is Rick Fox, but still, I hate the Lakers. If they all packed up and moved across town and became the Clippers, or moved to Wisconsin and became the Sheboygan Sentinels, I'd probably be happy when they won, but I just can't get behind the Lakers in any series (even when they're not playing the Kings). Can anyone explain it? Is it just LA-envy? Is it the fans surrounding the team? (No, not Jack Nicholson. He showed up even in the mid 90s when they weren't the best team in the league.) A little help?

10:28 AM PST
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Friday, May 24, 2002

Suggested beginning to the lede graf for Ken Layne's piece on Game 3 of the Kings-Lakers series:

The Kings fans' cheesburger contaminating capabilities are apparently greater than anyone could imagine. Kings-related bioterrorists have infiltrated LA-area eateries frequented by Lakers players, poisoning the entire squad. What else could explain their lackluster performance on their home court in Game 3 of the Western Conference Finals? Only in the fourth quarter were the Lakers able to shake off the effects of a week of meals spiked with some previously unknown toxin whose apparent side effects include short jumpers and lackluster transition defense.....

09:15 PM PST
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Wednesday, May 22, 2002

The Sacramento Bee is pretty good sometimes. Today's evidence: a review of the Sacramento Hyatt's bacon cheeseburger and cheesecake. This is the meal that allegedly brought Kobe down before Game 2 of the Western Conference Finals.

01:18 PM PST
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Tuesday, May 21, 2002

Kings Win! Let me get this straight: the Kings shoot 23 for 38 from the line, are outrebounded by the Lakers, only score one field goal in the last 6 minutes of play, and they win? Hey, this series might turn out better than I hoped.

01:54 PM PST
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Thursday, May 16, 2002

I swear I didn't purchase it, but in going through some old trading cards, I came across a curious rock band card of some sort from circa 1990 or so. This is not to be confused with my Bay City Roller cards, which I insisted my mother buy when I was 3 or 4 (more on those some other time). Anyway, I can tell by looking at them, that I never listened to Death Angel, but I've never even heard of them. Anyone out there have fond memories of Death Angel? Own their albums? Saw their shows? Anyone? Bueller?

04:45 PM PST
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Sunday, May 12, 2002

Grrrr:

The main terminal at Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky International Airport was evacuated for three hours on Sunday after a security incident involving a passenger waiting to board an airliner.

Airport Police Chief Chuck Melville said the man passed the main checkpoint, but during a random search at the gate, Comair employees found marijuana.

"He alleged he had a penknife, but no penknife was found," Melville said.

The statement alone prompted the evacuation, Melville said. "He said he had one, so we have to take it as if he had one," he said

I know it's so obviously stupid that it doesn't really need to be commented on, but apparently it's not obviously stupid enough that the government would reconsider stupid rules unlikely to save anybody from anything. They evacuated an airport terminal because a guy said he had a penknife.

05:01 PM PST
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Last night, the local 11:00 news had a story on a boy who had been hit by a car earlier this year. He had lapsed into a coma, but had recovered. The infographic behind the announcer said "Comma survivor."

09:07 AM PST
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Sunday, May 5, 2002

Happy Cinco de Mayo everybody! I love this holiday, because I think it's a symbol of what's right about this country. It's a Mexican holiday, and I bet 99% of Americans couldn't tell you why it's celebrated, but nonetheless, the bars have specials and people go out and celebrate. In a state like California with close ties to Mexico, it's not remarkable, but the fact that this holiday has spread to the rest of the country is an encouraging sign of the character of Americans. And any holiday that celebrates the defeat of a French emperor is OK by me!

11:15 AM PST
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Pass the bottle:"Study Shows Boozers Earn More".

12:34 AM PST
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Saturday, May 4, 2002

The girl who would be king:

Kristine Lester, an openly-gay senior at Encina High School, said that she wants to run for prom king because she identifies more with being a male. So she believes that she should be able to run for king.

What a dumb idea. It's these sorts of fringe activities that remove credibility from otherwise reasonable causes. What's wrong with wanting to challenge the image from within the social construct? If she wants to be a leather wearing, motorcycle riding prom-queen who takes a girl to the dance, so be it, more power to her. If I attended her high school, I'd probably vote for her:

"I feel like I'm different from everybody else. And being queen really wouldn't fit my personality. I'm just trying to be myself."

There are hundreds of students at her school who don't have personalities that fit being queen. They follow the time-honored American tradition of mocking people who take things like that seriously.

02:28 PM PST
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Thursday, May 2, 2002

More satirewire:

Bush: "Dad Left Wallet in Iraq".....While dubious, Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak said the lost item explanation was an improvement over last week, when Bush insisted Iraq had been chosen as the site of the 2004 Republican National Convention, and the President needed to send in a "scouting party" to check out hotels in the area.

01:47 PM PST
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Wednesday, May 1, 2002

Oh my! You were going to do it anyway, so why not raise money for charity at the same time?

10:35 AM PST
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